The Unhappy Man

Bill's lifelong ambition, as many of ours, was to stamp out all the happiness from the world.That mushy warm feeling when you feel happy was positively revolting to him.. So he went on his mission in a determined sort of way..Couples were hacked, crime,carnage and the likes were tolerated during his reign... But surprisingly Bonbontown was left untouched..... Families,
kids out in the sunny parks,couples canoodling in the open and all sort of
nasty things were tolerated in that 4 square mile area inBill's kingdom... When asked about this hypocrisy, the man simply replied ' I dont want to kill myself,do I?'
Words of wisdom indeed!!!

Of Martians and wise sayings

There comes a time in every man's life when he has to stand up and say 'YES'. Or is it 'NO'? And shouldn't it rather be sitting down? Presumably Commander General Sawyer was also confused about this age old adage as your humble narrator. So he did kind of an ugly squat
and shrugged. Predictably all his commanders took that despicable shrug as a YES while the soldiers took it as a NO for obvious reasons. The first of the Interplanetary Wars was thus ON!!! The media always eager for a catchy and pithy comment very succinctly named the war as
'The First Inter Galactic war between the Earthlings and the Martians for absolute power over Pluto (no longer a planet mind ya)'.
Ahem, the fact that earth and mars and indeed pluto are in the same galaxy was somehow lost in the excitement....Well moving on.. The absolutely useless state of Kansas was unanimously chosen as the battleground for this mother of all wars. The cost of relocating the 50 herdsmen and 1000 horses occupying that state to the equally useless Nebraska (about$123.53) was agreed to be split between the two warring parties.

The first day of the war will go down as the most heroic in history. About 50 million rounds of ammunition were exchanged in that one day. About 50 of them were later traced to a local cowboy who always wanted to fight them foreigners and had done precisely that. The rest came from the Martian's weirdly shaped dildo-like guns. The mixture of sex and power was never more apparent. The media marveled over General Sawyer's strategy of conserving every bullet for a rainy day and duly credited day one to the humans. Thus the war dragged on for months...

Eulogies were sung, people started betting on the outcome, the youth.. well, they continued drinking and O. J. Simpson,well, still proclaimed himself innocent. But the toll of the war was clearly being felt by the Martians. Talks about the invisible enemy and their stealthiness led to a dampening of the morale and many heroic deaths. That the bullets in their brains were from their own rifles was a matter of little concern to either party. Eventually a truce was declared with either planet getting half of pluto to proselytize their religions. The soldiers were given a rousing welcome (they were first awakened from their drunken slumbers in the barracks) and all the commanders feted. More importantly, half of the 30 odd creatures of Pluto were converted to the major religion of the day. Indecisiveness, booze and an age old saying had once again won the day!!

Whats your Boundary,Kenneth?

The beautiful and idyllic Snake river basin was indeed a sight to behold. But Sam, the deli owner from Salmon,Idaho had no time to admire the extraordinary beauty that fine spring morning provided. He was on a mission. He had a bet to win and,by joves, he was going to nail it! He had left his home at 6am and had walked 4 hours already without a break. On the way,he exchanged pleasanteries with Captain Smith, the local fisherman. The sight of that day's stock of caught fish reminded Sam that he had not eaten anything at all that morning. The road gradually became less traversable and Sam was soon on all fours desperately trying to hold on to the tree branches as he made his way up Roddle mountain. He could see his small town as he ascended the mountain and he felt proud of knowing and being on good terms with all his 150 neighbors. A happy tune escaped his mouth as he felt his mission was near to being accomplished. Sam suddenly burst into an uncontrollable fit of laughter as he pictured Jack's face when he would tell him about his extraordinary journey. Over some beer ofcourse!! I mean Jack owed him a bottle now, didn't he? He soon reached the top of Roddle mountain and let out a scream of delight! He had done it!!! He had gone where no-one he knew had!He had seen the world! His hands held up over his head, Sam eventually made his way back into civilization.

Meet Mr. Tambourine Man

Mr. Tambourine Man thinks he is mainstream. Mr. Tambourine Man will never fit in.
Mr. Tambourine Man is a misanthrope. Mr. Tambourine Man is lonely.
Mr. Tambourine Man is happy. Mr.Tambourine Man thinks pessimism is beautiful.
Mr. Tambourine Man is not your friend. You can trust Mr. Tambourine Man.
Mr. Tambourine Man is the life of the party. Mr. Tambourine Man wishes he was alone.
Mr. Tambourine Man is omniscient. Mr. Tambourine Man just doesn't get it.
Mr. Tambourine Man is practical. Mr. Tambourine Man believes life without fanatasies sucks.
Mr. Tambourine Man is cordial. Mr. Tambourine Man wants to shout out occasionaly.
Mr. Tambourine Man likes to make friends. Mr. Tambourine Man wishes he hadn't made some of them.
Mr. Tambourine Man hates ridicule. Mr. Tambourine Man is ashamed at some of his actions.
Mr. Tambourine Man likes to express himself. Mr. Tambourine Man is an introvert.
Mr. Tambourine Man cares. Mr. Tambourine Man doesn't give a fuck.
Mr. Tambourine Man has many friends. Mr. Tambourine Man will probably die in obscurity.
Mr. Tambourine Man is hard to find. Mr. Tambourine Man could be YOU.

Ode to a slug

It was the best of times. It was the worst of times!Which really combined to make it an absolutely ordinary day for Dick Dickyson. Not that he cared though. Nay sir, all his day was spent cleaning, washing, feeding,vacuuming and stamping his pet slug every 3 hours. It could take its toll on anybody and Dick was no exception! He didnt even get any time to talk to his mommy
and daddy, the fire brigade and his beautiful and just about marriageable lovely girlfriend Rita. But his is a story NOT to be tackled coz serious matters are screaming to be dealt today!! It was Dick Dickyson's neighbor who concerns us today. Yes it was Mr Peter(who would be the neighbor) who went to the local theater and saw Mrs. Stevens who's husband was in the British army that forms the crux of our story. Ahh it is with the British Army who had their training in Cornwall whose mayor Mr. Pied had a son with six fingers which frightened young Lisa who bumped into John who was the son of the local bartender that our story begins.The bartender worked in the Smith pub and hated the boisterous young crowd and the drinking and the smoking and realized that this wasnt his dream job after all. So he quit and went after his true love: the outlawed,dangerous,passionate,glamorous job of all time: SLUG DEALING! Thus ends our remarkable story! Applause anybody??

Good news for our audience: The narrator was shot soon after this narration for a pathetic storyline and the absence of a convincing punchline to cap this tearjerker.

Tales of an animal kind

Our story starts like any other story doing rounds these days: with a frog. And an ugly one at that. Now frogs are ugly but this amphibian whom we shall address as Mr. Jones( for no particular reason) made the others look like Rupert Hick(another cooked up name). Well Alison
indeed liked to skydive a lot you know! I swear she did!!Hang on, got my stories confused. My bad!Well Mr. Jones fell in love with a hamster who thought he was handsome for obvious reasons.But as hamster's go, she was a little conservative. So Mr. Jones was asked to climb
the age old oak tree called Alan (just for fun) and well, jump from the top(family traditions which as family traditions go are a bit silly).

The stage lights suddenly dim and the crowd go home satisfied with a smashing entertaining movie. Alison jumped out of the plane and aahhhhhhh.......Jeez another detour sorry. Well little Polly was puzzled by the movie! She thought and thought. Well she aint particularly
smart so she probably just thought once. In the end, she could bear it no more. She had to get to the bottom of the story. So she asked the flight instructor Ali.... naah nearly went down that corner again didnt I? She asked her dad the one thing that was bothering her the most about
that wholesome beautiful movie. "Dad" she asked "Why was the frog blue in
the movie?"
The narrator of this story was soon run over by a mouse and we could not find a way to contact little Polly's dad (Mr. Simon ofcourse) to ask him about his answer to little Polly's and indeed the reader's burning question.

NOTE- Alison did indeed reach the ground in one piece.

Tell me your dreams!

This was a toughie! Should he take out the Mercedes or the classy Aston Martin for the prime minister's official banquet? Ron Jones had it all indeed! As one of the most successful and acclaimed actors of his generation, he was used to being mobbed and envied at. The NY Times 'Hottest Bachelor' eventually decided on the Aston Martin and sped off to pick up Louise (his
date for the evening) for the banquet.After meeting his adulating and jealous admirers (including the prime minister), Ron drove back to his bachelor pad with Louise for a night of some action.
Ron woke up early in the morning and walked the 10 miles in his tattered clothes and on an empty stomach to his workplace. He was struggling to make ends meet as a child labourer at the clothes factory but atleast he now had a reason to live!