Of Martians and wise sayings

There comes a time in every man's life when he has to stand up and say 'YES'. Or is it 'NO'? And shouldn't it rather be sitting down? Presumably Commander General Sawyer was also confused about this age old adage as your humble narrator. So he did kind of an ugly squat
and shrugged. Predictably all his commanders took that despicable shrug as a YES while the soldiers took it as a NO for obvious reasons. The first of the Interplanetary Wars was thus ON!!! The media always eager for a catchy and pithy comment very succinctly named the war as
'The First Inter Galactic war between the Earthlings and the Martians for absolute power over Pluto (no longer a planet mind ya)'.
Ahem, the fact that earth and mars and indeed pluto are in the same galaxy was somehow lost in the excitement....Well moving on.. The absolutely useless state of Kansas was unanimously chosen as the battleground for this mother of all wars. The cost of relocating the 50 herdsmen and 1000 horses occupying that state to the equally useless Nebraska (about$123.53) was agreed to be split between the two warring parties.

The first day of the war will go down as the most heroic in history. About 50 million rounds of ammunition were exchanged in that one day. About 50 of them were later traced to a local cowboy who always wanted to fight them foreigners and had done precisely that. The rest came from the Martian's weirdly shaped dildo-like guns. The mixture of sex and power was never more apparent. The media marveled over General Sawyer's strategy of conserving every bullet for a rainy day and duly credited day one to the humans. Thus the war dragged on for months...

Eulogies were sung, people started betting on the outcome, the youth.. well, they continued drinking and O. J. Simpson,well, still proclaimed himself innocent. But the toll of the war was clearly being felt by the Martians. Talks about the invisible enemy and their stealthiness led to a dampening of the morale and many heroic deaths. That the bullets in their brains were from their own rifles was a matter of little concern to either party. Eventually a truce was declared with either planet getting half of pluto to proselytize their religions. The soldiers were given a rousing welcome (they were first awakened from their drunken slumbers in the barracks) and all the commanders feted. More importantly, half of the 30 odd creatures of Pluto were converted to the major religion of the day. Indecisiveness, booze and an age old saying had once again won the day!!